When it comes to dating and relationships, there is a lot of discussion about “red flags.”
Signs of toxic conduct or obvious incompatibility in a relationship are among the most typical instances of what is referred to as a “red flag.” Consider actions such as love bombing, being impolite to wait staff, and attempting to control and influence your every move.
On the other side, green flags are indicators that a spouse is trustworthy. If you are able to speak effectively with this person and feel completely at ease being yourself with them, for example, you may have met someone who will stick around.
Pink flags, however, are another option for those looking for a hue that lies somewhere in the center of the rainbow. In the next section, relationship experts break down how to see pink flags and provide advice on how to proceed.
What are pink flags?
Damona Hoffman, an OkCupid dating counselor and the presenter of “The Dates & Mates Podcast,” explains that “pink flags” are subtle clues that you may not be a good match in a relationship. “Pink flags”
She pointed out that they are not as obvious as red flags, which are often concerns of compatibility and behavior that anybody can perceive as being problematic. She said that red flags tend to be more overt. However, despite the fact that pink flags indicate less severe issues, it is critical to treat these small issues rather than allowing them to fester.
“Pink flags are the type of warning indications that you can talk yourself out of and disregard until they become red,” added Hoffman. “Once they become red, you have no choice but to pay attention to them.” “Another option is to turn pink flags into relationship dealbreakers when in reality they were just slight disagreements that might have been worked through.”
Alysha Jeney, a therapist and the proprietor of Modern Love Counseling in Denver, echoed these sentiments when she underlined the need of being aware of and reacting appropriately to any red flags that may appear.
“Pink flags may be something that you instinctively think is a little odd, but you’re trying to give the relationship time to evaluate how serious it is,” she said. “Pink flags could be something that you intuitively sense is a bit off.” “They may also be trigger points from previous relationships, which you need to be aware of in order to avoid having a negative reaction. When it comes to relationships, it’s essential to take notice of pink flags and utilize them as a reference point for reflection.
What are the most typical red flags to look out for?
There is a wide variety of pink flags, and their appearance may change depending on the nature of the relationship being discussed; nonetheless, there are several examples that are more often used.
“One that I hear clients express is a person who has limited perspectives on things,” said Liz Higgins, a relationship therapist and the creator of Millennial Life Counseling. “For example, never has an opinion or doesn’t care where you eat, what you go do, etc.,” Higgins added. “Another is disparities in political or religious belief systems,” the author writes. “These may be significant.”
Being dirty or not messaging often enough are also examples of ordinary behaviors that might be considered pink flags. Despite the fact that these concerns aren’t necessarily deal-breakers in and of themselves, they shouldn’t be ignored either.
Changes in behavior are one of the red signs that should be looked out for, according to Mabel Yiu, a marital and family therapist who also serves as the chief executive officer of the Women’s Therapy Institute. “Take, for instance, the case where they used to be loving but have, over the course of time, grown less so.”
Pay notice if the physical nature of your relationship has shifted or if you have ceased making a conscious effort to date each other and develop as a pair.
Acts of service and physical contact are examples of unmatched love languages, according to Yiu. This is another “pink signal” that may raise concern. “This is not a significant problem if both couples are prepared to get closer to one another and accommodate one another’s love language,”
A professional psychologist who is also the founder of Potomac Therapy Group, Sarah Weisberg, emphasized the significance of paying attention to one’s own thoughts and actions, in addition to those of one’s partner.
“It’s necessary to take a step back and ask ourselves what’s going on when we catch ourselves intentionally or unwittingly harming others,” she said. “When we notice ourselves intentionally or inadvertently hurting others, it’s vital to take a step back.” What could this possibly tell us about our sentiments, whether conscious or unconscious, towards the relationship? In situations like these, it’s possible that we’ll need to do some work on ourselves, pay attention to our instincts, and have some challenging dialogues.
However, something that is a warning sign for one individual could not be one for you at all, or it might even be a pink or even a green flag.
“What may seem like an excessive amount of texting to one person may seem just appropriate to another,” said Hoffman. When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to find out what your needs and desires are and to be able to convey them to the person you’re with. Instead of seeing the presence of pink flags as a warning that the relationship is doomed, use them as a signal that you need to gather more information.
How can you know whether or not it is a red flag or a pink flag?
Tracy Ross, a certified clinical social worker who specializes in couples and family therapy, believes that “pink flags” are easier to ignore than “red flags,” and as a result, “pink flags” have the potential to do more damage. Pink flags may be difficult to see, and it’s possible that you won’t even notice them the first or second time they’re raised, in contrast to red flags, which are easy to recognize if you just open your eyes to them. However, if the same thought keeps popping into your head, it’s time to pay attention to it.
She suggested that you ask yourself, “Is this workable? Is this person ready to work with me? Are they willing to connect with me? Are they eager to work through problems with me?” If I were to voice my worries, would they listen to me and consider what I had to say?
There is a possibility that a pink flag may turn out to be the signal that will lead you to find a red flag. It’s possible that when you investigate a pink flag, you’ll discover that your spouse isn’t eager to work things out with you jointly.
According to Ross, “every relationship has that dance and needs to achieve that equilibrium.” [Citation needed] “Red flags are the regions where you find out that it won’t be feasible, but pink flags are the things that make you doubt whether or not it will be doable.”
She warned against mixing red signals with the unreasonable assumption that your spouse would fulfill each and every one of your requirements, saying that this might lead to misunderstandings. Instead, you should make it a priority to feel whole inside yourself while also determining what qualities are most essential to you in a potential spouse.
“One sure way to understand the difference between pink flags and red flags is to give serious and honest thought to what you want in a relationship,” Ross explained. “Do an inventory of your’must haves,’ your ‘nonnegotiables,’ and your ‘would be nice ifs.'” “One sure way to understand the difference between pink flags and red flags is to give serious and honest thought to what you want in a relationship,” Ross explained. “If you spend some time thinking about it in advance and know what you are looking for — what you can and cannot compromise on — then it will be lot more apparent when you see a real flag,” the author says. “It will be much more evident when you see an actual flag.”
What should you do in response to the pink flags?
According to Ross, “the most essential thing to do regardless of whether it’s a pink flag or a red flag is to not disregard it.” [Citation needed] Because of the discomfort or ambiguity associated with these concerns, people frequently choose to avoid talking about them, which may then lead to a wide variety of relationship problems.
Instead of allowing problems to fester without being addressed, make the effort to analyze the red signals that you have seen. Then proceed to discuss them.
“Understanding your safe places to explore these thoughts is crucial,” Higgins said, “with a therapist, a trusted friend, or a secure relationship, particularly if you’re in the starting phases of dating.” “I would argue that knowing your safe spaces to explore these notions is vital.” “There are situations in which it is preferable to hold off for a little while before laying everything out on the table. Because the tie between the two people in a newer relationship isn’t as organized or stable, bringing up a lot of really significant topics straight away may not function as well as it would otherwise. “Balance is the most important thing.”
Think about the reasons why you could be feeling worried or uneasy, and ask yourself whether it might be a symptom of a more significant problem that you need to figure out on your own or with someone else. Take some time to reflect on the situation and determine if you are making assumptions or projections.
Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, said that “pink flags might also give you the opportunity to communicate with your partner(s), and how you do so can in itself determine if the relationship is one you want to continue with.” Pink flags are a potential opportunity for couples to talk about their sexual relationships. It is crucial in any relationship that you are able to speak about the issue in a healthy manner, and that you feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and worries. This is true regardless of the magnitude of the problem that needs to be addressed.
In addition to this, she suggested that the good qualities of the partnership be acknowledged. Focus on having open and honest conversations to determine whether or not the pink flag problem is something that cannot be negotiated, or if it is something that you can tolerate or find a happy medium on instead.