Burning bridges and repairing them are the two sorts of people in the world.
If you’re in the business world, it’s considered bad form to sever all connections and responsibilities with a former boss or coworker abruptly. You never know when you’ll need their assistance.
There are times when it’s hard to know what to do in any kind of connection, regardless of whether it’s romantic or family.
Cutting people off is seldom something I do on purpose for me.
It’s a disease of sentimentality for me to want to cling on to friendships that have come to an end or are no longer beneficial to my well-being.
Some individuals are considerably more callous when it comes to breaking up with friends, and they appear to do it with little thinking or consideration.
One of them is Ellie, a 25-year-old Manchester resident.
Metro.co.uk quotes her as saying, “The finality that comes with blocking or cutting someone off provides me serenity.”
All thoughts and feelings concerning the individual fade away and are finally forgotten about’ ‘It’s like the person has become an afterthought’
As a visual person, I may place a mental barrier between myself and someone by physically eliminating them from my social media or phone contacts.
When someone keeps coming up on my social media and reminding me of our fallout, it will eat away at me, but if I cut them off totally, it’s almost like they never were in the first place.’ Ellie thinks this is part of her healing process.
Ellie says she will only ever do this as a last option, even if it seems drastic.
In most cases, she adds, she has tried all other options before deciding to quit a connection or friendship, and she’s come to a conclusion.
Because I see little hope for a settlement at this point, I’m not interested in further contact with the individual.
For some, it’s more convenient to burn bridges.
The co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, Dr. Elena Touroni, says that shutting people off is frequently a kind of self-defense.
There are circumstances when it may be beneficial, such as Ellie’s, but it can also become an unhealthy coping technique when someone regularly breaches our boundaries and all alternatives have been exhausted.
According to Dr Elena, ‘Someone may have been harmed extremely terribly in the past, for example, and out of the dread of it occurring again, break all relationships at the first hint of difficulties.”
A type of self-sabotage may take place in certain situations.
Ellie has been through this before and knows what it’s like.
According to her, ‘It came to the point where I was cutting off to an extreme while dating, where someone would only have to anger me once and I’d phase them out.”
It dawned on me at that point that if I didn’t work things out in that first relationship, the baggage would follow me into the next one, making me more prone to being angry.
‘Now, I make sure I have all the facts before I cut somebody off.’
Non-confrontational folks may have an easier time cutting others off.
According to Dr Elena, ‘Someone may have grown up in an atmosphere where issues were brushed under the rug.”
It is possible that they may not have been exposed to the concept that issues can be discussed and worked through, leading to anger and then more extreme measures like cutting someone out.’
Is it a bad way of dealing with stress?
The best method to cope with disagreement, according to Dr. Elena, is not to break all relationships.
When it comes to friendships and relationships, stumbling blocks are certain to come up, but how we deal with them is what matters most, according to her.
However, shutting someone out is the greatest decision for your own safety and happiness in certain cases, she says: You should only resort to this approach after all other methods have failed, such as talking things out or giving someone many opportunities to comply with your wishes and limits.
Ellie, on the other hand, has no immediate plans to change her approach.
While some may argue that talking things out and confronting emotions directly on are better long-term strategies, this method has always worked for her.
To me, this individual has reached a point of no return, and as a result, I no longer want to be bothered by him or her.
Life is too short for me to focus on persons I no longer consider worthy of my time and attention.’
How do you end a relationship that isn’t healthy?
Remove the bandage by ripping it off.
It may be preferable for some individuals to meet the person in a public area where they may explain why they no longer want to be friends,’ advises the author.
‘It’s a win-win situation for everyone involved.’ It’s OK to express your displeasure with someone’s behavior and then move on.
As the saying goes, “You can’t control how other people act; you can only influence your own behavior.”
Gradually sever ties with one another.
In order to gradually discontinue a friendship with someone you don’t feel comfortable meeting with, you might cut down on how often you see them and how often you reply to their calls and messages.
In this way, you may accept the negative aspects of the relationship while still making room in your life for it.
Even if the toxicity fades with time, you may be able to maintain your relationship as before.’
Respect your own limits.
And last, let go of any sense of blame or shame you may be experiencing in these circumstances.
‘There are those connections that make you completely dependent on the other person…
Also, you may have difficulty letting go.
It is imperative that the limits that you establish be adhered to.